I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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