i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
