the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
