Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
