I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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