So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You left your phone here
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