I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
