Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
