you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
