The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
