While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
