You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
God I need to hump something, right now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
