Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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