btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
