miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
