three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
