worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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