i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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