Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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