then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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