Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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