Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
