is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize