found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
