I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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