My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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