the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
