This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
