literally had 100 drinks last night.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
