then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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