Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
