I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
