Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
