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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune

  (1-318): View more from Louisiana

  what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...

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• (323): View more from California

  What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON

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• (903): View more from Texas

  On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore

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• (845): View more from New York

  I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding

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