I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
