Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
