saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
