I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
