Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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