literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize