woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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