i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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