hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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