***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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