There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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