she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
