That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
