you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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