At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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