How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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