you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
