i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
