I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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