Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
