it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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