Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
