when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I puked a lego.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
