you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
