I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
