Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
