It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
