I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
