we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize