Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
