There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
