A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
