Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
